You’ve no doubt heard the classic student excuse for not bringing a completed homework assignment to class – the dog ate it. Kids say the craziest things, right? Well, adults can apparently say some pretty wild things too, especially when coming up with excuses for not showing up to work. I thought it was time for a bit of humor in a post, so enjoy these astounding excuses. It may be the day after April Fool’s Day, but these excuses are all real! These are mostly compiled from CareerBuilder, who has been publishing these for years, as well as a few other sources:

• I took Tylenol 3 with codeine instead of a vitamin, because the bottles look alike and I’m really sleepy.
• I got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
• I had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
• I’m in the process of quitting smoking and I’m really grouchy today.
• I was sitting in the bathroom and my feet and legs fell asleep. When I stood up, I fell and broke my ankle.
• The electricity is out and my garage door won’t open.
• I had a gall stone I wanted to heal holistically.
• My false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.
• I need to vote today and I have no idea where to go.
• I ate some turkey and the tryptophan made me fall asleep and miss my shift.
• My glass eye is falling out of its socket.
• I’m so angry I’m afraid I might hurt someone if I come in.
• I really have to finish my Christmas shopping.
• I accidentally got on a plane.
• I just can’t decide what to wear.
• I just put a casserole in the oven.
• My plastic surgery needed some “tweaking” to get it just right.
• I woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
• I had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where I was.
• I caught my uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
• I forgot I had been hired for the job.
• My dog is having a nervous breakdown
• My deceased grandmother is being exhumed for a police investigation.
• I got my toe stuck in the tub faucet.
• I was bitten by a bird.
• I read too much and feel sick.
• I am suffering from a broken heart.
• I tried dying my hair at home and it came out bright orange.
• My 12-year-old daughter stole my car and I have no other way to work, and I don’t want to report it to the police.
• I got bats in my hair.
• A refrigerator fell on me.
• I was in line at a coffee shop and truck carrying flour dumped it into my convertible.
• I was bitten by a deer while hunting.
• I ate too much at a party last night.
• I fell out of bed and broke my nose.
• I had to take my child to the ER after he stuck a mint up his nose.
• I hurt my back chasing a beaver.
• I went to so many garage sales I have a headache.
• I drank some antifreeze by mistake and had to go to the hospital.
• I was at a bowling alley when a bucket full of water came crashing through ceiling and hit me in the head.
• A cow broke into my house and I have to wait for the insurance man.
• A chicken attacked my mom.
• My finger is stuck in a bowling ball.
• My hair transplant has gone bad.
• My foot is caught in the garbage disposal.
• I burned my mouth on a pumpkin pie.
• I was in a boat on Lake Erie and ran out of gas and the coast guard towed me to the Canadian side.
• I have to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the home owner’s association.

What’s the most outrageous excuse you’ve ever heard from an employee for staying home? Feel free to share it in the comments are below.

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